So on the day of my vasectomy, let me start by saying that I was super nervous. I was sat in the hospital room looking around at a ton of other guys, and they looked like ghosts. When they went in, they came out limping, grunting and some…yelping.

You could even smell the cauterising odour in the waiting room.

It’s bad.

So anyway, I thought that by wearing super baggy gym pants that I could get the whole thing done faster. I was in all of my glory and up on the table before you could say Jiminy Cricket. The doctor looked at my junk and said:

“Wow, I can see that you’re not happy to see me!”.

I asked him how long he’d been doing this for, and jokingly he said:

“All morning!”

Now at the time, this wasn’t cool. With my snip being performed in early January, the doctor then proceeded to ask me if I’ve packed my Christmas ornaments up yet. I asked why, and he then replied:

“Because these balls are ready for decoration!”

I thought to myself that this is quite possibly the most awkward moment of my life. But before I knew it, it was all over. I spent so long trying to assess the age of my doctor and trying to work out whether he went to medical school or down a backstreet alley to get his degree, that I didn’t focus on the procedure at all.

I didn’t even smell my balls being set on fire.

Maybe that was the beauty of having a doctor with a good sense of humour. I didn’t think of it at the time, but looking back, it was quite possibly the best thing that could have happened because I honestly didn’t feel a thing, or know that it was over!