So, I got a vasectomy a few months ago, and as part of the process you’re required to bring in a sample for testing. All juice, no seeds is the goal.
My doc gave me the containers and instructions, which I, of course, didn’t bother reading, as who really needs instructions for fapping? I did know that it had to be “neat” – no lube, no condom. No problem.
So I had a little self-lovin’ time, filled the cup, and sealed everything up. Put it in a zip-lock baggie, then inside a paper bag for discretion, and headed over to the lab to drop it off.
I’d been told that all I need to do is let the receptionist know I have a “time-sensitive” specimen and they’d take care of everything. Apparently nobody told the receptionist this, as she started to ream me out for not booking an appointment. “The lab tech is only available in the morning, which is why the sample was “time sensitive” – I’d assumed it was because they wanted the swimmers to be delivered asap.
Since the lab tech wasn’t there, I was sent away with my sample, blushing the whole time as the reception area was full.
That was in February.
I really fucked up because I tossed the sample into the backseat of my truck and forgot about it. Until June.
Yesterday was the first day of summer, and apparently semen + time+heat is a volatile combination. The container exploded, and now my truck reeks of cum and shame.
