Here’s What A Vasectomy Feels Like…From A Guy Who’s Had It Done

If you want to know what a vasectomy feels like then you know that you have come to the right place. You have to accept the fact that you’ll no longer be a fertile buck.

You also have to accept the fact that you’ll be spread eagle on a gurney with your balls drooping down like Gandalf’s beard. The doc has probably told you to shave by this point, and after you have done this you’ll be rubbed with a colourful liquid. This will make your balls and bits as clean as the kitchen sink.

Then comes the needles. You’ll feel those. First the left hand side and then the right. I had to have four needles because I could still feel whatever they were doing, but with each needle the pain gets less because you’re being numbed. Your balls will feel like they’ve died and gone to Heaven.

You’re doctor will also chat with you throughout the procedure, talk about your family and whatever. This helps, even though it’ll feel like the last thing you want to be doing when you’re having your balls fondled.

I got asked if I wanted to see my two tubes, and I did. They looked like spaghetti.

After this has been done, your doctor will sizzle your tubes so good that your super sperm won’t be able to get through. You’ll probably smell this, it smelt like a lemon on  a BBQ for me. It smelt like smoke, it smelt tart, and it’s very confusing.

Of course, you won’t feel a thing, I promise. You’ll then have your tubes clamped, to make sure that your super sperm has a second line of defence. Your wife will be thankful for these clamps, so welcome them with open arms.

So there’ll be no stitches, and no bandages. You’ll want to stay away from boxers, and you’ll also be tempted  to stick ice-pops and ice-lollies down there for quite some time. These will make your balls sticky, and taste nice, but bags of frozen veg are the best way for you to go. Trust me on this.

So if you’re going for the snip, remember that it’s nothing to worry about, and usually your doctor will talk you through everything as it’s happening. This will actually help time to pass faster, so do it!